Red on Yellow asked:
1. In dating you can do whatever you want, with no responsibility (you can just dump the person at any time.) With this in mind, do you think it has much in common with “friends with benefits?”
1. In dating you can do whatever you want, with no responsibility (you can just dump the person at any time.) With this in mind, do you think it has much in common with “friends with benefits?”
2. If you agree with above, do you think people should make a real commitment (in other words, get married) before proceeding with intimacy.
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
I’d say that the way some people date is very much “friends with benefits”. There’s about the same level of commitment there and the focus seems to be on the “sex” part rather than on the “friends” part.
Yes, I do think people should get married before having sex. Just think of how different the world would be. There would be far less STDs floating around if most people waited and weren’t out there being promiscuous. There wouldn’t be so many unwanted children being aborted, or being born and then neglected – after all, most people really don’t want to commit to raising a child with someone they’ve only known for a few weeks or months (which begs the question, why the heck are they sleeping together if they aren’t ready to commit???). If people did the right thing and waited, society would definitely be a better place and it would be so much better for children, too.
But that’s not gonna happen anytime soon….controlling sexual urges is hard and nobody feels like they should have to. Indeed, people think that waiting is stupid, even though that’s a load. So I’m not going to hold my breath on this one.
1) FWBs can float in and out of each others lives, there should be no ownership or one wondering where the other is. You should be able to talk about your other “friends” comfortably as well.
I would consider dating a different thing.
2) I believe that marriage is pretty much done with now and we have been reorganised to be single taxpayers.
If you want friends with benefits you should keep the emphasis on the benefits and leave afterwards.
If you a going to hang out, cook for each other and other activities the lines become blurred and you can end up not knowing how to classify it.
Friends with benefits is really just a nice phrase for f#ck buddy. If you are friends with someone and you are sexually compatible you would be a romantic couple not just “friends with benefits”. And as Eoghan said…its really not about the friendship is just about the benefits.
That’s not what I consider dating, dating is whn you start being girlfriend and boyfriend.
1. The only thing dating and FWB have in common is that they sometimes don’t last long.
I see dating as the potential for a relationship with someone you like. It’s learning about that person during the date that can make or break the deal.
FWB is when the date isn’t exactly great, but you are really attracted to each other on a very basic, carnal level. Which can be awesome for about an hour.
I think people should do whatever they want, as long as they use their head before proceeding. I don’t want to say whether you should be intimate or not before, during or after a commitment, because everyone is different. Just be safe about it.
It would be wise to have a commitment before you “proceed with intimacy.”
Free love is real good for men; real bad for women.
As a Catholic I believe that sex should be saved for marriage. Some sexually transmitted diseases can do permanent damage and make it impossible to have children. Oxytocin can make “friends with benefits” relationships a nightmare.
When you have sex with someone your brain releases a chemical called oxytocin. Oxytocin creates a bond between people, promotes trust, makes you less critical of mistakes, etc. Inside of a marriage oxytocin can help people grow closer.
Outside of marriage oxytocin can make life confusing because of the bonding and break-ups between people. The strongest Oxytocin bond is formed with the first person you have sex with in your life. The more partners a person has the weaker the bond becomes with each different sexual relationship.
Dating means going out with someone that you like and getting to know them with the hope of forming a relationship.
Friends with benefits means F#ck buddies who sleep with each other but don’t commit to anything and are basically waiting for the above (Relationship) to arrive.
God Help Us All. The youth of today have no morality, just personal preferences.
I’ve never understood the ‘friends with benefits’ thing. Is it the same as a lover? If so, then sure that can be a different thing to dating, and I’m all for it. If it’s having sex with your male friends then personally I find that a bit icky, I prefer to keep my friends separate and I have no sexual feelings towards them.
Casual dating is like friends with benefits, minus the established friendship. Mature dating is a way of getting to know someone as more than just a friend in the hopes of it developing into a relationship.
I think ideally people should save intimacy for marriage, but realistically at least save it until dating turns into a relationship.
Dating, to me, implies a form of commitment – at least to the ritual of going out. Friendship does not have that at all – it speaks of the relationship, and not of the frequency of seeing one another or the activities involved. So no – I don’t see dating akin to Friends With Benefits…
As for making a commitment before intimacy – I believe in a person’s right to do with their body whatever they choose – as long as it does not harm another. Therefore, to suggest there needs to be a level of commitment prior to sexual intimacy would be hypocritical for me…
Honestly that’s why I don’t date. I seriously don’t see the difference between dating and friends with benefits. Think about it, when you’re dating, you can date 5-6-7-8-9 guys/girls at a time and that person owes you no explanation, you can do whatever with them also [just as long as both parties are consenting adults].
I PERSONALLY believe that before getting to the degree of bf/gf you need to be friends with that person. If you’re friends with the person, well when you’re friends with the person, you get to see what kind of person he/she is, from there you’ll see if this si the type the person you want to be with.
Now SEX the topic du jour. I have no clue how to answer that part of the question. I believe that sex/fucking/making love should be with someone you LOVE. but once again this is my personal opinion. I’m 24 years old and have had 2 lovers and for me that’s too much. My 2 lovers [one I was engaged with] I was madly in love with both of them and that’s why I went to that next level. BUT if I had no feeling of love i would have broken it off.
Now I cannot impose my opinion on anyone else. I haven’t been dating for 4 years because I don’t believe in dating. Most people here have a view of dating just like you definition and for me, that view is not the same as my view, therefore cannot adapt to it.
I think that yes there should be commitment before intimacy. Have heard of stories of people having sex, then the woman gets pregnant, then they realized they had nothing in common or weren’t in love. No offense to anyone, but how sad is that???
The next person I will be involved with, I HAVE to be in love with him and hoepfully he would be with me as well, and we can build something more. If he wants to get intimate when we get married, I’m fine with that too. The thing is, people do not understand the word commitment anymore, for them commitment = lack of freedom.
No. FWB is sexually based, while dating has other levels and overtones.
FWB is an arrangement. I’m going to come over, get a little action and leave. I am free to date other people and have sex with other people.
Dating is more of a commitment. We’ll go to dinner, see a movie. I won’t date or have sex with other people. We’ll talk about the future of our relationship.
I think it’s up to the person whether or not they can handle casual sex or not. I didn’t see a point in waiting until marriage, but I certainly wouldn’t talk someone into doing something they weren’t comfortable with.
I would say that dating could be looked at in a couple different ways. If it’s casual dating, it could be to find someone to just have sex with, or to have sex with and to spend time together outside the bedroom. Or dating could be a search for the person you would like to commit to eventually. It’s up the the individuals involved to determine whether they want to include sex with dating or to wait until a committed relationship (marriage, as you prefer) before sex is added.
I personally think that a real commitment doesn’t necessarily need to be marriage. And I don’t necessarily think that sex without a commitment is a bad thing. In fact, I’ve been in a very satisfying year and a half relationship with a man with whom we could be considered “friends with benefits” or casually dating. Whatever you call it, it’s a relationship that works well for both of us.
Nothing wrong with friends with benefits. It depends if you are up for a casual thing or not. If you both no what your in for, fair enough.
I personally would never wait until marriage to have sex. Sex doesnt have to be about commitment sometimes its just satisfying your physical urges and enjoying yourself.
1) Everybody’s relationship is different. Some people who are dating are very emotionally close, and some don’t really care that much and are more like friends with benefits. And some friends with benefits are more emotionally connected than alot of people who are “dating” or “committed.” There’s no way you can make any sort of conclusion about this that would apply to everybody.
2) I don’t see how that follows….
well,dating you can say is not the same as friends with benefits as it is more like a game.when you play games,there is only one winner and it seems that most of the time,girls win it